Get to the Chopper
by Pancake Ninjas
Summary: Finally Updated 1 2; It's been awhile since Duo's seen Heero, and quite frankly he's not looking forward to facing the other young man. Rated M for later chapters and LANGUAGE.
1. Chapter 1

Get to the Chopper

Parings: 1x2 or 2x1 (not really sure yet), 3x4, and Wu-baby gets no love. T.T Maybe I'll do something about that later. O.o; Maybe...

Warnings: Yaoi, angst (although I don't see it as angst but..eh), drama, romance, maybe all kinds of citrus. Don't really know yet though. There really is _no_ plan for this fic. It's just kinda coming to me.

Note: This fic is in Duo's POV...in case no one can tell. O.o; And it's supposed to be in present tense... Well the actions anyways, it should be clear.

Chapter 1: On the road again...

It's not like I'm perpetually depressed...just like it's not like I'm perpetually happy either. No matter what any of the others will tell you, I'm _not_ depressed. I'm just tired. It's not like no one's been tired before, right? And quite frankly after all of the shit with the war and then that little brat Mariemaia came along I'm just a little tired. And now that I'm with the Preventers, I know right! I thought living on L2 with Hilde was going to work out swimmingly too. And it had for awhile. We had even started up a little business out of that scrap heap we managed to buy. It just wasn't the same. I just wasn't the same.

"Duo?"

I hear Trowa's voice and it pulls me out of my little world and into the sucktastic world of the present. But it's not sucktastic because I'm depressed, even if Quatre insists that's what it is. It's sucktastic because of all of the red tape and bull shit I have to go through. Like today for example.

"Yo, what's happenin'?"

"We need to get to the helicopter." He motions to the narror wood door with his head but doesn't move to get up.

"Yea, yea, get to the chopper." It's a poor excuse of a joke but it always makes me chuckle dammit so I'm going to use it every chance I get. "Where are we going again?"

His green eye narrows slightly-you know I really think he should try a new hair style or something...but then again who am I to talk? Great, now he's frowning at me.

"What?" I lift my arms to rest the back of me head within cupped hands. I feel myself falling into a reclined position, the desk chair protesting the entire time. "Stupid question?" I'm not looking at him now, I just can't take the look I know he's giving me. Instead I look around our little office. Its gray walls peak out at me from behind the piles of crap haphazardly piled everywhere. I really hate this office. It's small, cramped really, and it reminds me of a storage room with two computers and a printer instead of the office of two of the finest agents the Preventers have to offer. It's not like Sally isn't trying to get us a "real" office, she is. It's just taking way to fucking long for her to get us one.

"We're going to rendezvous with Heero and head to the Sanc Kingdom."

"Oh yea," My eyes roll before I can stop them. I sigh and meet Trowa's gaze. "And why do _I_ have to go on this mission again?"

Trowa's frown deepens. "You volunteered remember?"

I do remember I just don't want to. It had been a spur of the moment type thing. I had wanted to see Heero again, although I can't for the life of you explain _why_. We had been in one of the many Preventer meetings headed by Sally and the topic had come up. Apparently, Relena wants to re-open her little country which means lifting the diffusion she had put in place during the war and rebuilding. The rebuilding is the hard part, the citizens had enjoyed their home and they wanted to go back, not that I can blame them. I still want to go back to L2 and that place was hell. Well not really hell...there were good people there too. There _are_ good people there. If the Earth Sphere blah blah blah would just take a moment and look at it for a few seconds they'd see that it's not a bad place, it just needs some sprucing up. But I guess everything needs some sprucing up now.

"Duo, we really need to go."

He's standing over me now. Man I've really got to stop spacing out.

"Yea, yea get to the chopper, got cha." I grab my jacket from the back of my chair and follow Trowa out the door.

It doesn't take long for us to get to the rendezvous point, much to my disappointment. The trip was also greatly disappointing. It's not that Trowa isn't good company...he's just quiet non-prying company. Right now I kinda want prying company. When people pry you're not left alone with your thoughts for a hour flight and a three hour car-ride. You get a second opinion and a second opinion, especially an unbiased second opinion, would be greatly appreciated. But I can't get the second opinion now because we're pulling up the ridiculously long driveway to Relena's summer home.

I look over at Trowa feeling slightly panicked. Why had I volunteered for this?

"Do you want to wait in the car?" he asks when the car finally comes to a stop.

The look he's giving me puts me at ease. He knows, I don't know how, but he knows. I take a shaky breath and shake my head no...but say yes.

"You sure?" He's raising an eyebrow at me now and I can see the corners of his mouth twitching. He's enjoying this.

"No...but I've faced worse right. 'sides, it's just Heero." The guy that I'm in love with who doesn't return the favor. Now _this_ is fan-suckinly-tastic. I grit my teeth, roll my eyes, and steel myself. "Let's just get this over with."

So there's the teaser for a new story. Do you like it? Do you hate it? I'm currently re-writing a fic for FF8 but the idea for this one and another fic for Gundam Wing have been swirling around in my head for awhile and I just wanted to get them out.

So yea, I hope you like it. Constructive criticism is appreciated. .


	2. Chapter 2

Shadowdragon: Yea, I thought about making them companion pieces but…Get to the Chopper is more of a personal project for me

Shadowdragon: Yea, I thought about making them companion pieces but…Get to the Chopper is more of a personal project for me. A way to work through things, if you will. Forgo is…well it's my attempt to get more Heero/Duo sap out there and a way to show a human side to Heero. Haha.

Thnx to everyone else that's read the first chapter! . I'm surprised I'm doing the second chapter now since I haven't been inspired to write anything all day. And of course I get inspired just before I have to go to work. Awesome… -.-

--

Get to the Chopper

Chapter 2: I think I'm going to throw up…

It's not the awkward silence that's making me fidget as we, and by we I mean Trowa and I, waited in Relena's overly ornate waiting room of her overly luxurious summer home. No, it's not the awkward silence, but I'll be the first to admit it's not helping. I let yet another sigh fall through my lips as I adjust myself in this stupid chair yet again. I've never sat in a chair so soft and, to be frank, it's fucking uncomfortable. Whatever happened to good old solid wood? The greatest chair I've ever sat in belonged to Sister Helen, it was a piece of furniture that had belonged in her family for ages and it was made of actual wood, not a common thing on L2 and definitely not something I had seen until I got to Earth. But that chair was damn comfortable and it was more beautiful than this tacky floral wanna-be old world Victorian piece of shit. But then again everything I've seen about this place is a tacky wanna-be old world Victorian piece of shit. I roll my eyes as the recent memory of the lavish casing of this 'home" comes back to me.

We had parked in front of the pristine white stairs which led to the ornately decorated glass and cold plated front door. The four story building looked like the paintings I had seen growing up of the lavish Victorian houses…only on steroids. Everything, and I mean everything, about this place was exaggerated to the point of making feel like I could throw up. It seems to me that the Princess is trying to flaunt her wealth and power. But I could be wrong…I doubt that though.

"OH Trowa and Duo! It's soo GREAT to see you! I had no idea that you two would be the ones escorting us!"

My eyes shoot over to her before I can stop myself and I have to stifle a groan. The Princess is descending the stairs in a summer dress of some kind and a ridiculously huge straw hat. I see Trowa move to stand from my peripheral vision so I move to do the same. She might annoy me but there's no sense in being rude…right?

"It's great to see you too Ms. Peacecraft."

"Oh come now Trowa, I think we're beyond that. Besides, being called that makes me sound old." She scrunches up her little round face and makes a soft sound of protest.

Trowa just nods.

"So…" she starts. I guess it's to break the awkward silence that's began to fall. "we're just waiting on Heero."

"Oh? You don't say?" I couldn't stop myself, the words came before I could try to stop them. Dammit all! And now Trowa's looking at me.

"Duo?" They both say my name and it makes me want to hide, but since I never hide I just give them a grin.

Relena smiles back and Trowa stops looking at me, he going to want to talk about it later though, I can feel it. But for now, crisis averted.

"He should be down shortly." My eyes narrow at the dreamy way she spoke. I don't like the tone in her voice. Something's up.

"Trowa…Duo."

I know I jumped because the sound of my boots hitting the marble floor below me echoed throughout the room. My heart's pounding and Heero's behind me and I don't know what to do. Flight or fight's about to kick in and that's not good, right? Maybe I should-oh shit he's talking to me.

"-bother for you?"

"Not at all, you know that Heero-baby." The words and the sloppy grin come easily for some reason. Maybe it's auto-pilot, maybe my minds shut down, I don't know but I'm sure as hell grateful for it.

"Good, then lets go." I turn to head toward the front door when his voice stops me. "Duo, it's upstairs remember."

Oh shit, no I don't remember because I was too busy freaking out to bother listening to you talk. Shitshitshitshit.

"My bad babe. Lead the way then." The grin's back, hopefully it'll hold.

"Hn."

He looks at me for a second longer than I'm comfortable then heads to the stupid looking door at the back of the room. The trek to where ever the hell I agreed to go takes longer than I'd like. All of these 'decorations' are an insult to the senses really. I really don't see how Heero can stand staying here but then again maybe it's right up his alley. Maybe he picked out most of this shit. I chuckle, I can't help it. The idea of Heero Yuy standing in a sea of paintings, sculptures, and other antiques with color swatches in his hand is just too funny to ignore. He'd probably be scowling like he's doing now as he decides which piece matches the theme of the room more. Oh shit, he's saying something again. I _really_ need to stop this spacing out thing.

"Sorry babe, I didn't hear any of that." I look at him sheepishly and jab my hands in my pockets to keep from fidgeting.

"Hn."

And the staring continues. Is he glaring at me? What's with that scowl anyway? I don't like him looking at me like this. He's not supposed to look at me like this. What the hell man!

"What the hell Yuy!"

He raises an eyebrow at me while I frown deeply. This is stupid. I'm stupid. Dammit all.

"Did you bring me up here to stare me down or was there a purpose?" Because if there isn't one I need to get out of here…now.

"I want to talk."

My head tilts to the side and look at him with open confusion. "Talk?" He nods but doesn't go to say anything so I do. "About?"

"Relena…she wants me to marry her."

Oh. My. Fucking. God. I feel my stomach lurch and the desire to throw up fills me with a vengeance. Holy fuck. I try to will the feeling to go away but it's not going anywhere. And now Heero's talking again but I can't hear him, the blood rushing to my head has drowned him out completely. Holy fuck.

"DUO!"

I look at him for a second but I can't keep my eyes on him. The room's spinning, my heart feels like it's going to explode, and I've got to throw up.

"-HEAR ME!?"

His hands are gripping my arms and it burns. It burns soo fucking bad! HOLY FUCK!

"LET GO OF ME!!" I stumble away from him before I finish speaking. I can't breathe! I can't breathe and I really have to throw up. I really really need to throw up. So I do, all over their precious plush green carpet.

"Holy fuck…"

My thoughts exactly Heero, my thoughts exactly.

The heaving leaves after a few minutes and with it goes everything else. The world around me comes into focus a little too sharply for my liking. I look up from the mess that had to come from me to my surroundings. I spot a door ahead and all I want is to get to it. Everything will be better if I can just get through that door, out of this place, and as far away from here as possible.

"Duo?"

I start coughing at hearing my name and I feel a hand patting me on the back.

"Duo, are you okay?"

No, I'm far from okay. Something's wrong but I can't clearly remember what…but it's something big. Ugh, my head hurts.

"Do-do you want me to go get Trowa?"

Yea, I think that'd be a good idea. He always knows what to say to make me feel better. Quatre's lucky to have him.

"Duo, please answer me!"

I blink and then look over my shoulder to look at the guy behind me. Oh my God his eyes are amazing. I've never seen eyes that beautiful before. Such a dark blue.

"Mmm, beautiful."

He frowns at me and that just won't do. "Duo, what are you-"

"You have beautiful eyes." I smirk as his jaw drops and a look of utter shock fills his face. I stand then and offer the shocked man a hand to help him up. He takes it numbly. "You're not used to getting compliments, are ya?"

"Duo, are you okay?"

"Yea, why wouldn't I be? Who are you by the way? You seem to know me well enough…" I chew on my bottom lip a little as I try to recall who he is.

"It's Heero."

My eyes snap to his before I double over. It feels like I've been punched in the stomach. What the hell is happening?!

"Duo, what's wrong! Duo?!"

I never thought something could hurt this much. Am I getting soft or is it really this bad?

"Ugh…" I'm throwing up again.

--

Okay…so there you have it. Umm…yea. O.o;; If you've never had an episode of mania or a really bad panic attack then this whole part in the hallway doesn't really make sense. Haha.

Well, I hope you like it. . Tell me what ya think!


	3. Chapter 3

Get to the Chopper

Chapter 3: What the hell's going on?

I approach Duo with hesitation once he's body stops shaking. He lets out a weary sigh and I freeze. His breathing is labored and so loud it feels like it's pounding in my ears. Then again maybe that's just my imagination. At any rate it's taking far more effort for him to just breathe than it should. I don't like this.

I move closer to him again, willing the sound of my steps to be absorbed by the ugly green carpet. I really don't want to upset him further but at the pace I'm going I can feel myself grow even more tense. Dammit Yuy, pull it together. When I close the short distance, I lower myself to his level by kneeling in the stupid over cushioned carpet. I quickly dismiss my desire to pull back as the smell of his bile hits me. The smell of vomit is something I've always hated.

"Duo, are…what's your status?" I put a hand on his still shaking back and I feel him tense. "Duo, what's wrong?"

He sighs and looks over at me. His eyes are shining with an emotion I've never seen in them before. I can't decipher it but I feel like if I could I'd actually be able to help him. I try to prevent the scowl from forming but it comes anyway, hiding my concern and more importantly my feeling of helplessness. I continue to stare into his eyes which are at the brightest I've ever seen them. They nearly glow purple, the edges of his irises even look like some darker shade of lavender. It's…strange to see his eyes this bright. It's almost unnatural.

I hear him sigh just before he looks away. I guess his gaze lands on his mess because he abruptly falls back on his rear. He looks at me again and I can only stare back. If only I could understand what he's trying to tell me.

"Duo, I'm not a mind reader." I say the words more harshly than I intend to and I wish I could try saying the statement again when I see him flinch. "Duo I-"

"I don't know what's wrong."

He looks up at me with confusion showing openly on his face. I can only stare back at him. I don't know what to do and, while that's not a first for me, it pisses me off. Not knowing what's expected in a situation where you have nothing to go on isn't only useless, it's futile. How am I supposed to fix this if I don't know what's wrong?! I need something to go on and there's no one here to throw me a bone. There's no mission report, there's no plans of Duo's brain that I can print off, there's nothing. I can't work with nothing. I…don't know how to work with nothing dammit! This is shit! I don't know what to do!

I hear Duo whimper and I can only assume it's because of me. I blink and feel my anger cool.

"What?"

He shakes his head at me but doesn't stop cowering.

"Maxwell, what is it?"

"I…" He falters and looks down at his hands which are clinched together in his lap. "You were just glaring at me and I…Did I do something wrong? Am I not supposed to be here?"

I stare at him openly confused. When he just stares back with a look of utterly adorable confusion on his face I…wait, where did that come from? My eyes narrow as I access the thought of me calling Duo adorable.

Right now he's looking up at me his eyes open slightly wider than usual, his mouth is hanging slightly open, and he's slouching with his hands are buried in his now crossed legs. He looks like a kid who was caught with his hand in the cookies jar. Yes, adorable was the right word. I offer him a smile but he doesn't seem to notice so I force it to widen. It feels awkward at best but it gets a smile from him.

"So, I'm didn't do anything wrong then?" When I shake my head no he grins. "Good, because with the look you were giving me I thought I was going to die."

"Are you feeling alright?" I stand and offer him a hand. He quickly accepts it.

"Yea, why?"

My eyes flicker down to the carpet and he follows my gaze.

"Oh shit! I'm…Did I do that?!"

I nod more than a little confused. Why wouldn't he remember throwing up in Relena's hallway? What the hell is going on?

"I'm sooooo sorry! Do you have anything to clean it up with? Just tell me where I can get something and I'll get that up in no time. Oh man I can't believe I…" He looks at me with the most serious face I've ever seen him have and asks. "Was I drinking?"

I blink at him a few times before slowly shaking my head no. What the hell is going on?

"Really?" He puts on hand on his hip while the other rubs the back of his head. "Then why in the hell did I do that and why don't I remember doing it?"

I find myself wondering why he doesn't refer to the vomit as…well vomit as he talks.

"I really am sorry about the carpet though babe. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, I will."

He looks over at me and grins. I look back at him and feel like my heart stopped. The, what I am now assuming was, mask of adorableness-is that even a word-is gone and in its place is…wow. He's never looked at me this way before and I'm not sure that I like it. There's some playfulness in his face but not nearly the amount that usually resides there. It feels like he's…'undressing me with his eyes' if I remember the expression correctly.

"Hn."

I grunt just to buy myself time to figure out this new Duo because this is _nothing_ like the Duo that I know.

"So, where's the cleaning supplies?" He looks around dramatically like there were some in the hallway.

"It's okay, I hate the carpet anyway. I'll get a maid to take care of it."

His eyebrows raise before he replies, "Maid? Wow, I've never been in a place that had a maid before."

Now I'm sure that I'm looking at him in pure confusion. What is he talking about? At most of Quatre's personal save houses there was a small staff. Small but there still a maid. I had thought having a staff at a safe house not only compromised our mission but was downright idiotic

"I guess we're at your place then? Do you have a phone so I can call a cab or something? I mean, unless you want me to stay longer but after…well I really need to 'freshen up' if you get my drift." He winks. "Besides I'm sure my roommate's worried about me." He lets out a huff and rolls his eyes before placing a hand on his hip again. "I don't see why he gets all bent out of shape when I don't come home. It's not like we're dating or anything. And when I do come home, oh boy, it's like he's on a war path. He's always screaming about me getting kidnapped or something because I was a Gundam pi-"

His hands fly up to cover his mouth and his eyes grow really big. For a second I'm happy for the silence because I really need to figure out why he's acting so strange. I can't piece together the pieces with his endless drabble. It takes me a second to realize _why_ he shut up.

"Duo?"

"Oh shit! Oh shit! Shitshithshit!" He looks panicked. His eyes are rapidly looking around the hallway and I'm guessing they're searching for an exit and something to kill me with.

"Duo, wait." I put my hands up to show him that I mean no harm and I wait for him to calm down.

He looks at me warily then he eyes one of Relena's stupid bronze statues of a horse resting on a shelf display on the wall beside him. I see his eyes narrow as he glances between me and the statue repeatedly. I start taking small steps backwards. This really is _not_ how I wanted our talk to go. This was supposed to be a helpful conversation. We were supposed to actually _talk_! I _needed_ to talk!

"Duo, please don't. I really-DUO!!"

He's grabbed the horse before I could finish and is now about to use it on me. Dammit! What the _hell_ is going on?! He lunges at me, arm raised, the ass end of the horse aimed at my skull. I watch him coldly as he approaches. Just before he was about to bring the bronze animal down on my head my right hand snatches it from his grasp while my other grabs his free wrist. I drop the horse while I whirl Duo around so that my arms are crossed against his chest forcing his arms to cross as well. His torso is now firmly held to mine.

"Duo, what the hell is going on?" I whisper the words against his ear. He doesn't respond and I'm assuming it's from shock. I whip him around to face me and bind his wrists together behind his back with one hand. "Answer me."

He blinks a few times and his mouth is making a ridiculous open-close-open-close motion. He reminds me of a fish and if I wasn't so pissed I might be smiling right now.

"Who…who are you?"

Dammit, not this again! What the _HELL_ is going on!? I know he isn't playing some kind of game because of the honesty in his eyes. The fact that Duo shows every emotion through his eyes has always been a worry to me. How could he possibly survive interrogations without giving something away? All someone would have to do was watch his eyes and they'd see all they wanted to. Right now they were screaming fear, confusion, some form a malice and…something else that I can't quite place.

"I'm.." I pause as I continue to study his eyes. Something in them was begging me not to say my name. The image of what happened the last time flickers across my mind and I resolve to drop the matter.

"I'm no one."

His eyes narrow in suspicion. "No one?"

I look down at him and glare. "I don't think you are in a situation to be questioning anything I say."

He glares back and snarls up at me. I just raise an eyebrow.

"Look…whoever the hell you are, I don't give a flying fuck about you _thinking_ you've caught me." He starts to struggle in my grip. "I'm going to knock that smug look right off your fucking face!"

He continues to struggle for a few more seconds and then quiets down. I feel a smirk form across my face as he glares up at me. Defiance and acceptance are battle within his heated gaze.

"I'm going to let go of your wrists now. You're _going _to follow me downstairs." I give him a moment to let the words sink in before letting go.

"Fuck you!." Are the words I get in return for his freedom. I stare at him for a moment as an old memory punches itself to the surface before I can kill it.

"In your dreams." I mutter before pushing past him to head downstairs. I stop when I get to the door and check to see if Duo's following me. He is but the look he's giving me makes me scowl. I've never been on the receiving end of this. What the hell is going on?!

--

So there's another chapter. I started writing this over the 4th of July in my notebook. Yes, it did switch to Heero's pov this chapter but hopefully before this fic is finished everyone will have found the trend of the pov switches. Haha!

So, I hope everyone enjoyed this chapter! Hope to hear how you liked it!

_Nighthawk_ : Basically, the reasoning behind Duo calling Heero "babe" and "baby" is because it's part of his automatic defense mechanism. He pulls up a façade to be able to get through talking with Heero and to, hopefully, give off the impression that he's perfectly fine. Although we know that he isn't. O.o; Does that make sense? Haha!


	4. Chapter 4

Get to the Chopper

Chapter 4: Just let me think...

The echoing sound of the door I just came through and the surprised looks of Trowa and Relena are what greet me when I enter the foyer. I glance behind me to ensure that Duo is in fact still shadowing me before I leave the doorway and fully enter the bright room. The sun was setting and its dying rays were flowing into the foyer's two story tall windows. If I wasn't so pissed I might be enjoying the way the sunlight bounces off the chandelier filing the room with… 'sparkles', I believe was Relena's word for it. But I didn't have time to admire that now, or how the orange glow made the room seem like it was a blaze. No, instead I have Duo to deal with. Duo and his apparently random memory loss.

"Is everything alright?" Relena asked. Her hands were clasped tightly in front of her chest. "Did something happen upstairs? Did…did Duo do something?"

I look at her sharply at her last sentence. _Did Duo do something? _What the hell is that supposed to mean?

"No, everything's fine."

"Everything is NOT fine!"

I glare over at Duo because of his outburst. I'm about to ground out something about sharing needless information with the enemy when I stop myself. Since when had Relena become the enemy? I want to sit down.

"Mr. Soldier over here assaulted me! Assaulted ME!"

I tense and glance up at Trowa. He looks back at me blankly. Great. I turn to Duo, who now had his hands on his hips and is giving me the darkest look I've ever seen him give me. That look is only reserved for his enemies. At least he's not smiling though, right? I feel like sighing. I'm not use to this. He's not supposed to be staring…_glaring!_ at me this way.

"_You _assaulted me first, remember? The horse." I mumbled the words as I walk over to one of the foyers uncomfortable chairs. As I allow myself to sit down I hear Relena approaching me. I raise my hand to silently tell her to leave me alone.

"What happened."

I look back over to Trowa and I shrug. "I don't know."

"The _hell_ you don't!"

I don't even bother looking over at the crazy man. My mind has yet to grasp the whole of the situation. I need to think.

"Well, something had to have happened."

No shit, Trowa. I fold my arms and start to thinking. I hear Relena talking and then I hear Duo shout something obscene back. I don't really care to listen to what they're talking…now shouting, about. Trowa can handle that. I need to think. Think about why Duo freaked out in the hallway to begin with. Think about why he doesn't remember me. Think about his reaction when I told him my name. Think…think…think…

_Relena…she asked me to marry her._

Shit. Really, that's what this is about? Or is there more? Or am I completely wrong and Duo's just finally snapped? Could it be that the pressure of the war and now the preventers has gotten to him? No…that can't be it. Duo's too strong to let something like death and chaos destroy his mind. So what could it be?

"Hee-" Trowa starts.

"Stop. Don't say my name. I think it's best if he doesn't know who I am." I look at the taller man quickly before I lose myself again with thinking. But Duo apparently has other plans.

"What the hell do you mean it's best if I don't know your name?! Who the hell are you?!" I hear his boots land loudly on the marble floor. He's coming closer to me with every word.

"Duo…"

"Shut it Trowa! I want an explanation and he's going to give it to me!"

I close my eyes and fall back into the chair. It feels awkward but…I'm tired. First I had to deal with Relena and her constant drive for my attention. I had agreed to be her body guard because of the amount of attention she draws. She's too ambitious for her own good most of the time and that makes her an easy target. With the countless number of threats on her life since the dawning of her 'peace' I thought it would be best if someone competent was protecting her. After all, without her…won't her ideal crumble? So, I've dealt with the late night calls to her room 'Just because…' and I've dealt with her listless needs of shopping, mingling, entertaining, and other ways of generally putting herself in harms way. And then she said she wanted to be my wife.

_Don't you think it would make sense? We're always together anyway. You're my rock. You're the one who's always there for me and you always will be, won't you Heero? So…why don't we get married?_

While her logic could make sense I just…I can not see myself with her. I have yet to tell her because I don't exactly know _how_ to. So I thought I'd ask Duo for help. He's more adverse in the ways of relationships then I am. I was sure he'd be able to give me the advise I needed to tell Relena no. …Instead he freaked out.

"Are you fucking listening to me?! Don't ignore me you fuck-face!"

His voice sinks slowly into my head.

"HEY! I'm fucking talking to you!"

I feel his hands gripping my shoulders. His nails are digging into my skin through my shirt. It stings, and it's that sting that brings me from my thoughts completely. I open my eyes…and stare coolly into Duo's hostile violet ones. His face is barely inches away from mine. I can feel his hot breath on my lips. I can smell the faint traces of coconut from his hair. It's kind of strange…the things you notice when someone's this close to you.

"I'm listening."

He freezes at my words. Who would have thought that two words said barely above a whisper could have such an affect on him. His hands slacken, his eyes soften. For a moment he looks confused.

"What is it Duo?"

His eyes are searching mine for something. I don't know if I like it or not, so since I'm undecided on the matter, I let him search. I hear his breath hitch in his throat and I see the tears start to form before he even realizes they're coming.

"Duo?" My hands are moving as I speak on their own accord. They encircle his wrists and take his now shaking hands from my shoulders. I feel myself standing. Why is my body acting without my permission? My eyes are still locked with his. I want to look away. I know this, whatever this is, will end if I break eye contact. But my eyes, like the rest of my body, don't listen to me.

"Duo, what's wrong? Answer me?"

We're still so close that I can still whisper the words. He starts shaking his head when he hears them. He tries to pull away but I continue to hold his wrists. He's not going anywhere. Not this time.

"Duo, you have to say something."

He's still shaking his head no slowly but his eyes never leave mine. I don't know what to do. I want to think…I _need_ to think of something to do. Something to get him to remember me. Something to get him to talk to me. To get him to say my name. I _want_ him to say my name.

"Duo, say my name." I pull him slightly close and whisper in his left ear, "Please. Please just say my name."

He freezes. Have I pushed him to far? Does he seriously not remember who I am? Does he not want to remember me? Has his mind really broken down? Did I break him?

"Hee…Heero?"

I hug him. I can't help it. Distantly I hear voices in the background saying something along the lines of 'what is going on?' but I ignore them. I can't really explain it but hearing Duo say my name, knowing that he does remember me, makes me…happy? I don't know why. I don't want to even analyze it right now. I don't even want to think. For the first time in a long time, I want to just live in the moment. This moment.

--

Uh-huh…so there's chapter 4. I had this chapter written out by hand some time ago…and then lost the paper it was written on. _This _is NOTHING like what I had written out before. O.o; I'm a bit confused as to what's going on. Heero's confusing me. He seems quite OOC at the end…but that's where my muses led me. At least I'm not alone in my confusion. AND, this gives me a great place to start the next chapter. . Woot!


	5. Chapter 5

Get to the Chopper

Chapter 5: Now did I?

My eyes close as the smell of Heero fills my head. It's always the same, he always smells the same. Maybe it's because I'm dreaming or because he's a neat freak. Probably a bit of both, no? Any which way, I could care less right now. I push back the nagging voices of reason and for the first time in a long time let myself relish in this wonderful bittersweet fantasy my mind has created. If I can't actually have him, I can dream right?

I nuzzle into his neck and I swear I can feel a heartbeat there. But I drop the though as a second wave of 'Heero' lazily fills my nostrils and then my head. He smells like soap, fabric softener, and man. Mainly, man though. Not 'Eww, you just got out of a game please go wash yourself before I puke'-man. No, it's more like a subtle hint of musk with a dash of masculinity and a pinch of something that you'll only ever smell on Heero. His scent has always made my heart flutter so much I think one day it'll just burst from my chest. Sappy? Yes. But I never claimed to not be a sappy bastard, now did I? And quite frankly, if being a sap lets me feel like I'm feeling now, then I'll be one until the colonies fall out of orbit and destroy this planet.

"Duo?"

I sigh. Looks like the voices don't want to me have my fun today. It's not fair really and I feel the irrational need to say those words out loud…so I do.

"It's not fair."

I mumble the statement into Heero's warm neck. I feel his pulse quicken as my lips brush against his neck. Hmm…that's interesting. Heero's pulse never quickens. It's always the same, just like his smell. He doesn't change…

"-demand to know what is going on!"

I sigh again. There go the voices. They're always so demanding. Can't I just have a few more minutes with him?

"Relena."

Relena? She's never been in my dreams before. Okay, well sometimes she does make a cameo, but she doesn't normally get to talk. She just gets to run off crying as Heero professes his undying love for me instead of her. I never get tired of _those_ dreams. Finally freeing the man that I love from that clingy woman always makes my day better, even if I can't manage to do it in reality. That's why an imagination is a man's best friend.

"No! Heero, explain yourself this instant. What is going on? What happened upstairs? What did _Duo_ do?"

I feel Heero stiffen under the Princess' questions. With each word I could feel his muscles growing tighter and tighter. I image the scowl that's forming on his face and I let out a giggle. I can't control myself, the thought of him glaring at Miss

'Let's-stand-on-a-cliff-face-and-demand-my-Prince-to-come-and-kill-me' makes me happy. Pathetic? Yes. But I never claimed to not be pathetic, now did I?

"Shut up Duo! Just shut up!"

Okay, now that got my attention. I don't care if this is a dream, she'll at least show me the amount of respect that I force myself to show her.

I lift my head from the crook of Heero's tense neck reluctantly and step away from my dream. I turn to face Relena's voice as she continues to exclaim questions that Heero isn't giving the answers to.

I open my mouth and I open my eyes and I let hell loose.

"Would you shut the _fuck _up you prissy stupid ass hussy! I'm so fucking sick of hearing your shit! He isn't answering you, so why don't you fucking shut your trap and practice some of that bull shit restraint you like to force up everyone else's ass. I swear to fucking hell, if I hear one more word from you I'm going to fucking kill you.

But not befar I destroy this fuckin' travesty you call a 'house'. It'z a fuckin' joke. You're a fuckin' joke. This whole shit hole of a dream iz a-" (1)

"Duo."

I feel my braid receive a familiar harsh tug and I blink. The distraction is enough to clear my head and dispel my anger. I blink down at a cowering Relena Peacecraft. She looks like she's trying to disappear into her summer dress and that fucking uncomfortable idea of a chair. I'm an inch away from her face, at the most. When had I gotten this close to her?

Wait, who had pulled my braid?

I turn around and the first person I notice is Trowa. His normally stoic face isn't so stoic anymore. He looks like he's trying to decide on if he should be pissed, shocked, proud, or laughing. I've never seen…I never knew he was capable of showing that much emotion. If you watched his eyes you'd be able to understand what he leaves unsaid…but that takes practice, a lot of free time, and general boredom.

I'm starting to feel like I'm missing something. Like I just came in at the middle of a movie or something.

"Duo."

My eyes leave Trowa's face and slowly make their way to the source of that voice; that mesmerizing but haunting voice.

"Hee-Heero?"

His name falls clumsily from my lips. I'm really starting to feel like I've missed something. Why haven't I woken up yet? Why am I still here? I've gone through all of the motions of my day dreams…well Relena's still here and not running away crying but she looked like she could be starting that any second now. Okay…let's run through this because my brain's not wanting to work with me.

Be held by Heero? Check.

Yell at Relena and/or see her cry? Kinda check?

Be held by Heero again? Not so much…and by the look on his face I don't think that I'm going to be any time soon.

I press my hands to my head and groan as a sudden headache hits me. It's like someone's smacking my brain around with a mallet.

"Why can't I just wake up?"

Still holding my head, I look up at Heero then I turn to Trowa. I don't like the looks they're giving me. Heero was looking like he wanted to pummel me until he saw my eyes. Now he looks…worried. Trowa looks worried too. What the hell…?!

"Duo, you're not dreaming." He takes a step closer to me. "You're okay. Everything's okay. No one's going to hurt you." He takes another step. "You're alright. You're safe." Another step. "Duo, please."

He freezes.

His voice is steady and calm. A little too calm, if you ask me. If it wasn't for his eyes I would've bought the act. It's like he's talking to a bank robber in a hostage situation. Next thing you know he's going to be asking me to lower my gun.

"Duo…please lower the gun."

_What the fuck?!_

I stare at him dumbly. I don't know how long I just stare at him; at his face, his eyes. Those dark windows are swirling with color and emotion. Various shades of blue are fighting for power. It's amazing to watch really. I wish I could be appreciating it more.

"Duo please, lower your weapon."

My eyes flicker from his down to my hands. Would you believe that I had my side arm aimed at the head of the guy that I'm in love with? I can't believe it and I'm the one aiming at him. This isn't happening. This can't be happening.

I bring my hands back to my head, the cold of the metal against my temple sends a shiver down my spine. What the hell is happening to me? What's wrong with me?

I feel fingers gently wrap around my gun hand and ease the weapon from its grip. I can't let it go. I can't drop my gun. My body's not responding to what I tell it to.

I hear my heart pounding in my ears and my stomach starts to churn.

"Uuggh…"

I feel my knees hit the floor, I'm still waiting for my face to follow but nothing happens. Someone caught me? Who? Heero? Oh God, was I really aiming at…?

"I-I need to throw up."

I try to push him away. I try to stand up and ask where the nearest bathroom is. I try…but I fail. He's holding me. Heero's holding me again. He's holding me and shouting something down at me. At least I think he's shouting. Everything's all muffled. I can't quite make it out over my erratic heart beat. I can't read his lips with the room spinning soo much.

I just want to throw up. I feel like everything will be alright if I can just make the nausea stop. Why won't he let me go? Can't he see that I'm going to be sick? Can't he-

I feel saliva start to pool uncomfortably in my mouth. It won't be long now. I need to get to a bathroom. I need Heero to let go of me. I try pushing him away again but it doesn't get me anywhere closer to where I want to be. Where I need to be. Instead he pulls me into his lap. If everything wasn't so fucked right now I think I'd be enjoying this.

He's shouting something again. I try to shake my head to tell him I don't understand. I think he gets the message. One of his hands lands on my cheek. His thumb is moving slightly over my skin. His hand feels soo warm…too warm. I don't want to be touched right now. Why doesn't he just let me go?

His hand leaves my cheek and glides to the top of my head. What is he doing? Why isn't he doing what I…oh. Magical fingers work on my scalp. Each rotation of those digits clears away the fog. As he works I feel the heart beat lower, it's gradual but more than welcome. The need to vomit falls down to a suggestion. I can breathe. I can hear.

I blink as the world comes sharply into focus. It's like seeing the world in high definition. I can see every detail, every stitch in the horrendous couch, every variation of color in Trowa's standard issue gray slacks, every hair on his head, every fleck of color in Heero's eyes. If seeing things like this wasn't soo freaky I'd love for my sight to stay this way. He's eyes are so beautiful. Soo many shades of blue. It's like the universe took all of the most precious shades of blue and created a mosaic in Heero's eyes.

"Duo? 02, are you okay?"

I blink and just as quickly as it came the hyper-vision is gone and I'm left with a standard definition view of the world.

"Y-yea, I'm okay."

My voice is shaking. I don't like it.

"Trowa, we need to get him to the hospital. Is your car out front?"

What? Hospital? Why? No.

"NO! Nonononono! I don't…want to…go…shit."

My head falls limply against Heero's chest. How long have I wished to be this close to him? Years? But…this isn't how I wanted it to be. This…this is sucktastic.

"Duo?!"

"I'm…fine. Just soo…" I let out a long yawn. "tired."

And then I, Duo Maxwell, ex-gundam pilot, keeper of Shinigami, bringer of death, promptly passed out in Heero Yuy's lap. Absolutely pathetic. But I never claimed to not be a pathetic bastard, now did I?

--

(1) L2 accent? O.o;; It just came out… .

So there we have yet another chapter of Chopper. I'm currently proof-reading and re-working the 4th chapter of Forgo. Yes, it still lives! .;; I just got soo caught up with school and having lyme disease that I haven't been able to update much of anything.

But don't worry! I will finish these fics because I adore them both for soo many different reasons. Now I just need to find a way to get Wu-baby some action in one of this fics… .

R&R if you like or don't like. I'd really like to hear people's thoughts.

OH, and I thought that I'd add that this fic is a personal project for me. A way of confronting my demons if you will…so Duo's going to suffer a lot before he gets better. Not physical abuse or anything like that…unless it's in flashback form…but yea, he will be abused. T.T I'm sorry Duo. If you weren't my favorite character I wouldn't have to do this to you.

Long a.n. Sorry. . TTYL!


	6. Chapter 6

Get to the Chopper

Chapter 6: Intro of whiteness

I open my eyes only to quickly shut them again. White. Everywhere is nothing but white...not that there's anything wrong with the color it's just too clean, too pure, too...white. So, now I'm sitting...no, laying here with my eyes closed waiting for something, I guess. Waiting for what? My senses to come back to me? Yea, that's it.

I start internally, trying to 'ground' myself, trying to reconnect. I feel like I'm floating right now and that's not a good thing. Well, it kinda feels like a good thing...but it's not a good thing. What is it called again? Dis...something. Dislocation? No. Dis...disassociation? Yea, that's what the Doc called it. I've had this feeling several other times growing up. It feels weird but nice after awhile. It feels safe.

_That's because it's a defense mechanism, Duo. But you can't stay in this mental state for too long otherwise you'll lose your coping mechanisms. You have to reconnect, no matter how painful it is._

Heh, nice of the Doc to pop back into my head like that. She was a cool lady, kinda short and a little pudgy, but that was her charm. The sessions didn't really help me though...I wonder why that is. All well, lets do this reconnecting thing she recommended. How did it start again? ...That's right, breathing. I need to become aware of my breathing and put purpose into each inhale and exhale. Alright...inhale...and exhale...and...this is boring...and pretty dumb...and I'm breathing now...and I feel like an ass...and why am I doing this?...and I think that's enough?

My body begins to feel heavier as I continue to focus on each breath. I start to feel like "me" again, I start to feel like I own this body again. As the feeling grows I become aware of an incessant and boring beep in the room. Oh hell, am I really in a hospital? I sniff the air and almost gag on the recycled air smell. Ugh! I hate hospitals! They're soo artificial, soo fake, and soo fucking white!

Who brought me here? Was it Trowa? The jerk! I know I've been tired lately and I know I haven't been sleeping much, but for him to drug me and take me to a hospital! Ok, that sounds a bit outlandish even to my standards. So why the hell am I-

The sound of a door opening cuts off my thoughts. I keep my eyes closed and hope whoever just entered the room doesn't realize I'm awake.

"Well, Mr. Yuy, it seems that he's stabilized. What you described sounds like a fairly standard reaction for someone in his condition."

Condition? What condition?

"How was any of that a 'standard reaction'?"

"Well, according to the other man that accompanied you, Duo has been suffering from insomnia for several months now. To put it simply, he's tired. Sleep deprivation makes the brain do funny things. And the shock of your conversation coupled with a sleep deprived mind, activated Duo's defense mechanisms."

"You mean he..."

"He unconsciously forgot the cause of his trauma because he could not properly handle the situation."

Silence fills the room as a wave of thoughts fill mine. I forgot Heero? What shock? What is this guy talking about? Yea, I had some disassociation but that's it! What the hell are they talking about? Why don't I remember anything?

"And why doesn't he remember forgetting me?"

"Well, I like to call them black-outs. I've seen several patients react similarly to trauma. Everyone has a limit on what they can handle, Mr. Yuy. Once that limit is breached the brain shuts down and an auto-pilot can take over."

"Like another personality?"

"No, no,no, nothing that major. This is only temporarily to remove the cause of the trauma."

What. The. Fuck?

"This is just an extreme case of disassociation. He will need to see a therapist and I am going to prescribe him some sleeping-"

"No drugs, Duo doesn't take drugs." I hear Heero sigh before he continues. "What do we do now?"

"Well, I recommend that he remain here for observation and in the morning we transfer him to the Meadows Psychiatric Clinic."

My eyes open at those three words. I'm ok with shrinks, I really am. I have nothing against them or their practices but...I am _not_ going to a fucking psychward! They take away everything there. I'll go crazy in a place like that. I won't go to another one. I won't.

"NO! I won't go!"

I rise out of the bed as the words leave my mouth.

"Duo."

Heero raises his hands in the standard 'I surrender' pose.

"I'm not going Heero! I'm not fucking goin'!"

"Ok, I understand. You don't have to go, ok, but you have to remain calm. You've been through a lot over the past few days."

I freeze and my blood runs cold. Days? I lock eyes with Heero for the first time since I started protesting. Days? What does he mean, days? We were just at Relena's! It has to be hours, not days. He's watching me with such a confused and pained expression. I close my eyes and reach for my braid, my one constant no matter what else changes in my life. I run my fingers through the unbraided tip and try to find some comfort in it.

"Duo?"

It's the doctor now. I have to answer him. I take a deep breath, open my eyes, and I do.

"Yes?"

"What day do you think it is?"

"...Friday."

I glance at Heero in time to see his jaw clench. He won't meet my gaze. How many days has it been? It couldn't have been days.

"Duo, it's Thursday."

My jaw drops and my head begins to hurt. I being to fidget with my braid more as I try to wrap my head around this new information. It's Thursday. No...it's Friday. It can't be Thursday. Is this come kind of dream? Maybe I hit my head or fell asleep on the car ride over to Relena's? Yea, that has to be it. I'm sleeping 'cause Trowa sucks at prying.

"Duo, please talk to us."

I open my eyes, when did I close them?, and find blue ones staring back at me. Soo beautiful.

"Duo."

"I...I'm not dreaming?"

"No."

One of his hands goes to my shoulder and he gives a squeeze.

"Then...I've been unconscious for six days?"

He breaks eye contact with me and gives my shoulder another squeeze. My mind starts to race. I've lost six days of my life and I wasn't unconscious for them? That's impossible! I can't have lost that much time. I can't have. I don't understand. I just...I don't understand. What isn't he telling me? Why can't he look at me? And why is my head hurting soo fucking much? Holy balls this really hurts. I release the comfort of my braid and rub my temples.

"Heero, what's going on? Was I in an accident? Was I in a coma or something? Obviously it wasn't that bad since the only pain I'm in is this headache. And why aren't you looking at me?"

"Because, Mr. Maxwell, he doesn't know how to tell you that you were conscious during the past six days."

I know I have to be staring at the doc like he has two heads but the man has to be a loon! That makes no fucking sense.

"You were conscious and you had no memory of Mr. Yuy."

"You're fucking crazy, man." I back away from them both, shaking my head.

"No, Mr. Maxwell, I'm afraid that it's you who's a little crazy."

"Doctor..."

The crazy doc takes a glance at Heero and clears his throat.

"My apologies. I'll leave you two for now."

I watch him leave and continue to stare even after he closes the door behind him. I feel like my mind's gone numb. I know that I'm not the sanest person in the world. I have my problems, fuck I'm in love with Heero Yuy, that alone proves how sane I am. ...But I'm not bat-shit crazy enough to forget the last six days of my life. I'm not that crazy, right?

I'm pulled out of my thoughts when I feel something brushing my cheek. The world comes into focus, when did it go out of focus?, and I find a Heero Yuy glaring at me with a hand on my face and a scowl on his. Why is he touching me? Why is he soo close? Why does he have to be this close to me now, when I'm crazy? Why does he keep wiping my cheeks? And then it hits me...I'm crying.

Why the hell am I crying?


End file.
